I have been engaged in a serious relationship. I love my partner so much. We meet everyday. I don't want to miss him, or even a little thing about him. Our love is intense. We always find ourselves happy every day, at the end of each day. We've been together for one month. Too early to say this, but I know, our love is true. Everything is true.
But i got some questions I myself couldn't find the answers. So here's what i got.
Why in a relationship, someone has to love less? I mean, why do someone has to show so much pride? It is a "give-and-take relationship". Why can't the both of them be just fair with one another? Why can't that be?
Why in a relationship, someone has to give almost everything? Or shall I say, really everything? that isn't right. And again that's unfair! Why can't the two just give their best, without giving everything?
Why in a relationship, someone has to suffer the hurt? and the other was doing the hurt? unfair again! Yet we all know that EVERY THING can be done just by talking. Talking whole-heartedly and truly would be the best way not to hurt each other. Less anger, more love.
Why in a relationship, someone has to act like the foolest person ever? The other always gets mad, while the other always says sorry. That's being unfair.
Why in a relationship, someone has to act the superior? The other asks the partner to do this, to do that, not to do this, and not to do that. Perhaps that certain person needs a servant, and not a girlfriend/boyfriend. LOL.
Why in a relationship, someone has to be selfish? I hate when people think only of themselves. How about the others? How about their partner? If selfishness exists, then it isn't called LOVE.
Why in a relationship, when having quarrel, someone has to show so muuuch anger? the other was saying sorry, yet the other also refuses to hear what the partner is saying. The other doesn't know how to listen. And the other also does nothing but say sorry. yes, maybe he/she tries to explain, but it was useless. the other doesn't know how to listen.
Why is everything unfair? Everyone can be happy if they chose to. But why do somebody choose to let the other suffer? Why make it hard for the both of them? argh. Everything's complicated now. Maybe, love isn't just enough for the both of them to work. Maybe they need time, MORE effort, TRUST. Remember. Its a give-and-take relationship.
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JULY 25, 2009.
around 10pm.
4 sun-to-sun calls.
yea baby! :)
I was sooo happy that night. Imagine, 4 calls. Muntik ko na yung ikamatay ha! Buti nlang walang panlima, or else, maybe I was caught dead. haha. lol.
We talked as if we real good friends. We talked na parang wala lang. But that's okayy. I think its better nga eh. Pero may mga tanong siya. Dko nasagot. Why? Maybe because i'm not that confident to say my answers. Maybe I was too weak. Or maybe, I was just afraid that he won't react and response the way I want it to be.
So, e2 na yung mga bonggang-bonggang statements niya.
1. "
Ayaw mong maging concern ako sayo? Ha?". Tapos may follow-up na, "
Matulog kana. Late na masyado oh".
------oh
INSPIRASYON, e2 na sagot ko :: "
Suuus. Syempre gusto kong supermega concern ka sakin. Kahit di pa tayo. Ok na un sakin. Gustong gusto ko yun. Masayang masaya ako kapag ganon. As iiiin.:)2. "
Wag mo na kasi akong alalahanin. Gabi na oh. Late na. Matulog ka na sabi".
------oh
INSPIRASYON, e2 na sagot ko :: "
Isipin mo naman. Pano ako di mag-aalala sa'yo? You're out there hanging out with your friends. Ok lang naman sana, pero ikaw na rin may sabi. Late na. dba dba. And look, nag iinuman kayo. I don't even know what time you're going home. Ni hindi ko alam kung san ka uuwi. YES, maybe I don't have the right to know such informations. Pero kasi, gusto ko talaga malaman. Concern ako. And I hope you know that".
PS para kay
INSPIRASYON.
Pasabta kuno ko beh. Para sa asa man nang concern2 epek nimo? Nganung ana man?
-ounce.
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Why would god want to hurt me so bad?
Does he know how much it hurts to be missing you?
I just heard this song kaninang lunch time when one of my friends tried to play it again and again and again. Was it a sign? a message? or maybe another start for something new? Because there was something I knew that caused too much hurt just before I heard this song.
"Missing You" daw. Sino na-mimiss ko? Oo, siya. Si INSPIRASYON ko. Di pa rin siya bumabalik, and according to my friend, "DI NA TALAGA SIYA BABALIK". ((Nakausap nga pala ni INSPIRASYON si friend that time.)) That almost tore me apart, honestly speaking. I can't believe it! **ampooocha** I could still remember how he told me that he likes me, and that he wants me to be his girl. I could still remember how he would reach for my hand. I could still remember how he made me happy. I just don't know what happened. If there would only be another chance for me to prove that I really do like him this much, I'd spend each day and each night holding his hand just like what I always wanted.
"How come you act like this
Like you just don't care at all?
Para kay
ounce.
I don't know what I'm feeling everytime I see you. Should I be happy that I saw you? Or should I feel sad for you're not with me? Sometimes I feel pity for myself for being such a great LOSER. Yeah loser, from that very day I LOST YOU. You know, every time you pass by me, I always follow you through my eyes. And on my mind, I want to run after you, lock my arms on your waist just like a child asking her dad not to leave. And then I would say, "Bumalik ka na, pwede?". I think I can even kneel down in front of you and ask for another chance. Corny dba? haha. But that's true. Sooo true.
-ounce.
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Inspirasyon. Nawawala ang "INSPIRASYON" ko.
Ang hirap mag-aral kung walang inspirasyon.
Magkwentuhan tayo.:)
Nitong huling linngo, super "inspired" ako. Lagi akong masaya kasi madalas kaming magkita. Buo ang araw ko kapag nakakasama ko siya. Isang araw eh nagising ako at naisip kong SIYA na marahil si INSPIRASYON ko. Sabay kaming kumain. Nahawakan ko na ang palad niya. May mga napag-usapan na kaming mga bagay-bagay na walang kabuluhan. Nasubukan na naming umuwi ng "late" dahil nasiyahan kami sa pakikipag-kulitan sa isa't isa.
Masaya ako kapag magkasama kami ni INSPIRASYON ko. Isang buong linggo akong naging masaya dahil sa kanya. Oo, isang linggo lamang.
Noong Sabado din mismo ay pinili niyang maging malaya at itigila na ang kung anumang nasimulan namin. Sabi niya pa, hindi raw kami compatible. Ang sakit, sooooobra. Pinusta ko lahat ng meron ako para lamang kay INSPIRASYON sa pag-aakalang malaki ang mapapanalunan ko. Pero wala. Talo ako, at hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko dahil hindi ko na mababawi ang kung anumang nawala sa'kin. Talo ako. Ang galing niya. Natalo niya ako. Tsk!
Well, nevermind. Magkaibigan nalang kami ngayon at nasabi niyang mas gusto niya iyon. Kanina lang ay tinawagan niya ako. Madami siyang sinabi. At isa lang ang hinihiling ko sa ngayon. Sana ay huwag niyang kunin ng tuluyan ang aklat niya sa locker ko, dahil sa paraang iyon ko na lamang siya maaaring makita at makausap.
Mahaaaaaal ko siya. un un.
PS para sa mga taong nakakita at nakakakilala sa INSPIRASYON ko:
Nawawala si INSPIRASYON ko. Tulungan niyo `kong maibalik siya sa'kin.
at isa pang
PS para kay INSPIRASYON ko:
Sana kapag nabasa mo `to ay magbago ang isip mo. Alam kong nagkamali din ako. SORRY. At gusto kong malaman mo na maghihintay ako sa pagbalik mo. Gimingaw na ko nimo.:)
-ounce.
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The only
permanent thing
in the world
is
CHANGE.
I got only one thing here.
Bakit ang tao, pag nalaman niyang sobrang mahal na mahal mo siya eh bigla nalang siya magbabago? Magbabago, as in maggiging masama na siya. :(
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blog blog blog.
one of my classmates had mentioned about BLOGSPOT. and so i remembered my site, wherein i used to post my daily encounters regarding school, friends, etc.:)
so from now on, or shall i say tomorrow, i'll be activating my site 'AGAIN'. kasi kasi, gusto kong panindigan ang sinabi ko dati na kikita rin ako dito (tulan ng sabi ni Eirven).
update pdate lang. be seeing you all tomorrow.:)
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Christmas come, Christmas go.. Some may be happy, while others may not.. Christmas is a season everyone celebrates during December 25, also called Christ's birthday.
I always get excited whenever Christmas comes. We would have our family gathering at my grandma's house at December 24, enjoy the Christmas party, go to the church together, and wait 'til 12:00am strikes. Then we eat pray, eat together, we sing, we dance, we PARTY!
That's what we used to.
I don't know what happened now. :(
December 24, around 9:00am, we went to Holy Gardens Cemetery with my grandma to visit my Lolo's mound. Just as we arrived, of course, we greeted my grandpa, "Hi, Lo.! Merry Christmas.!ü". We were just starting our prayer when a strong blast of wind came against us. My dad said, "Uy.! Si Lolo ninyo na". He was lighting candles that time, and he found it hard to do it because of the strong wind, so he said, "Hinay-hinayi sa gamay ang hangin, Pa, para ma-light na namo ni". Goosebumps ran down my spine because the strong wind really stopped! But i wasn't scared at all, because that time, I realized that he was always beside me.. beside us.. He never did, and never will leave us.. We love you, Lolo! And we miss you..
We went back home after that so we could prepare for the Noche Buena, and take a little rest.
I think it was 8:00pm that day when we went back to my grandma's house to celebrate the Holy Mass. When we arrived, no family members were present in the house, so my father thought they went to the chapel, and waited for us there. And yes, my dad was correct. My Titos and Titas, and my cousins, too, were waiting for us there.
-M A S S - - - M A S S-
The Mass was done. Each family slowly left the chapel. Only the CYM (Catholic Youth Ministry) members were left, including me and my 2 cousins. So after putting the tables and chairs back, we went home, too. Ate Kay (my cousin) suddenly whispered to me and said, "'Di ko alam kung ano'ng mangyayari sa Christmas ntin ngayon ba". I was shocked by what she said. And I asked why. Then she replied, "Tingnan mo, 'di tayo kumpleto". Oh yes. I just remembered, we're not complete at all. We haven't even prepared our Christmas party, even the exchanging of gifts. :( Only 3 families were there. It was supposed to be 5, or 6, or 7. (Some family members were out of the country).
Before, during Christmas eve, my grandma's house was always full of "makukulit" kids (my cousins), loud noise coming from a rented karaoke machine, and gifts under a simple christmas tree. But now, not even a Christmas tree was there. :(
With a wine and a little "pulutan" me and Ate Kay continued our conversation. She said, "Nami-miss ko na si Pot-Pot". Pot-Pot is our little cousin, who, at her very young age, experienced a broken family. She even witnessed how her Mom used to quarrel with her Dad, which led to misunderstandings, and break-up. Now, her Mom has a new husband, the same as his Dad who found his new wife. I feel pity of her. :( Ate Kay told me, "Tinanong ko man siya, Sweet, kung nagkikita pa ba sili ni Daddy niya. Sabi ni Pot-Pot, oo daw, sa school niya. Pero 'di alam ni Tita". :(
We went home early, still longing for the Christmas celebration we used to do.
But before that night ended, before I went to sleep, I had a chance to talk to my Dad and ask what was really happening between our family. He explained EVERYTHING to me. And he told me, "Ana jud na. Life is bitter, but sometimes sweet. That's life. We tried everything to make this Christmas perfect, but ing-ani jud sya. This is God's will. And everything happens for a reason. but for me, this not to be sad, but to realize our mistakes, too, as elders, and as your parents. Sige lang. This is not the end. We will be together again. God will make a way, and remember, Lolo is always there.. always HERE. He won't let bad things happen, ok.? Ayaw na 'to isipa. Think of tomorrow.. As of now, goodnight na and Merry Christmas, anak".
I cried hearing those words. I never thought my father was also affected of what happened. I felt the hurt he's feeling.
And again, I cried, and fell asleep. There ends my saddest Christmas. My saddest Christmas, I hope. :(
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